SEPTA, the arthritic llama
Some days I wonder if this schedule is really a timetable containing the hours and minutes when trolleys arrive, or if it's merely a random assortment of numbers compiled by someone who's never been on SEPTA--a Finnish wizard pulling digits from the ether with a gold-and-gossamer butterfly net, or a barnyard chicken with a Ouija-board sensor strapped to its beak. So in other words I wanted to ask my optimistic compatriot, we could get across town faster by riding on the back of an arthritic llama with a wagon full of lead pipes strapped to its ass - but that's okay because the trolley is pretty and makes people feel nice? But then his wisdom crept over me like a ray of light reflecting off the spangled walls. In my bones I understood what he meant.

– Philadelphia Weekly